The days in-between

Some days are a tad longer (or harder?) than others.

Well, there are good days, and  there are bad days. And then, there are those days in-between the good and bad.

Lately, I’ve been on an emotional roller-coaster ride. My days have stretched into longer than usual (or is it my insomnia?). Nothing is quite as horrible than feeling pathetically sad when you’re happy, because it just doesn’t make sense. I wouldn’t blame anyone for not understanding – I don’t get it either. I’m happier than I have ever been, but at the same time I get these inexplicable bouts of sadness.

It surfaces in the form of baffling anxiety. It crops up as my heart racing, or my lip quivering. It appears in the quick instantaneous reaction to tiny,little things that bother me although they really shouldn’t. It comes as a need to be alone, or the want to be around those I love. It comes as pangs of loneliness. It comes as the want to be far away from everything, everyone.

It’s just one of those days. And at some point, all of us pave our way through this phase.

It’s sure to pass by.  I will be all okay – in the meantime, I shall let the tears run down, bask in the loneliness I yearn for, and try to keep an optimistic outlook.

These long days may go into quiet remission, and rear their ugly head at the most inconvenient of times. But, we come to terms with it, and plaster a smile on our faces nonetheless as to not bring others down with us.

Some days are far longer than others..and these seem to be mine. Just for now (I hope).


Broken promises and everything in between

Long gone are the days of “best-friends”, “pinky-promises” and everything remotely similar. 
Trust. Friends. Promises.

Such simple, dear little words. Yet, the slightest neglect to either of these has a tendency to bring even the strongest of us to our knees. I’m a living, breathing testament to that very truth.

There are quite a few moments in my life that stand out amongst the rest…

Over the years, I’ve learnt that in life you simply cannot trust anyone and there really is no such thing as a best-friend. Sure, there’ll be a few good people who (supposedly) claim to be there for you ‘no-matter-what’ – but that remains to be seen, let time be the judge of that.

You spend your entire life with the idea of a ‘perfect’  friend that’s ‘just like a sister/brother’ to you, and it’s either really wonderful(atleast until reality slaps you across the face) or plain non-existent. Clichéd, much? So it seems.

Looking back, I too can say that I have gone through a ton of friends/best-friends. Eventually, each of these ‘oh-so-perfect friendships’ faded and were awkward afterwards, although we sort-of still talked but it was never the same. Sometimes, I find myself thinking, “what in the world was I thinking?!”, and like always, I chalk it up to pre-teen and teen stupidity, or for a better word, hormones.

It’s a simple lesson; do not trust people. And yet, we forget it all too often.

I have always been the kind of person who takes an instant liking to, well, pretty much everyone. I have always cared too much, trusted too much – and needless to say, this has proved to be my downfall time and again – atleast, until I’ve learnt better, and no, not the easy way either. I’ve seen ’em all – the hypocrites, the back-stabbers, the opportunists, the liars, the pretentious, the fakes, the selfish. They’re all the same. They’ll strike precisely when you’re at your weakest. I know, I know – it catches you off-guard, you never see it coming. You have no warning, not even the slightest hint – and in that one moment, everything changes. I’ve been through that too. And yes, it’s not easy, it never is. No, it doesn’t get easier – not until you come to terms with the fact (that people cannot be trusted, and ‘friends’ can go to the dark side too quickly, and that love & hate are too similar) head-on.

I have learned that it really is hard to find a real/true/genuine “best friend”. Everyone is either far too wrapped up in their own perfect little lives lives, or they play the part as and when it is convenient for them. Self-gratification – that’s what friendships have become all about. That’s why good friendships are just so hard to come by now. People yearn for ‘friends’ who will mollycoddle them, and feed them only that which they ‘want’ to hear – not that they ‘need’ to hear. See the difference? I fail to see how you can be a ‘friend’ when you’re constantly lying, I’m sorry, but I just cannot wrap my mind around that. I would pick a friend who’s brutally honest over a so-called ‘friend’ who’ll feed me lies anyday. And, it isn’t about being mean/rude/blunt – it’s about what people should hear so that you actually help them put a stop to being naive/self-destructive/vain/silly. People today are far too thin-skinned/soft now. I’m sorry, but if you think I’m going to lie to your face all the time, then I can’t be expected to be a real friend to you now can I?

I’m not saying there are no good people left in the world – I’m lucky enough to know some lovely people who I truly adore – But, let’s not get carried away now, shall we? Be cautious, it’s the smart thing to do – one day, you’ll thank me.

But, if you have a friend who’s been there for you the last 24 years or so, then you have something very, very special indeed – cherish that.

For those of us without the special friends, well, learn to value the little people we do have in our lives. We’ll have them here for as long as they choose to stay, treat them just right, and give them just enough wonderful, positive moments to remember us by when they drift away.

No matter what happens, be as good to people as you want them to be with you, because then you know you weren’t the one who did wrong at any point in time.

And, if things fall apart at some point – take a breather. People do change – people may morph into complete strangers. Pause. Remember the good times. Things will, Insha’Allah, work out, all in good time. There’s a funny little thing called ‘Karma’ – what goes around comes around. Yes, not a fat lot of good that’ll do, but for now, it’ll ease your distress (I hope).